LVIII – Culinary Atrocities

Food is one of my favorite subjects. I like food. It also seems to be one subject I get a lot of blog views when I write about it. So, here’s another food post.

I realize everyone has their own tastes in food and combinations thereof. I say you do you. I’m not here to disabuse anyone of what they like or don’t like. It’s all a matter of perspective, and this is strictly mine. If you share my opinions, then awesome. If you digress, more power to you.

What is up with all these weird, nay, downright disgusting food combinations? Why do people think they need to challenge their palate and come up with so-called “complex” tastes? Like, for example, the sweet-and-savory combo. One of the few that I concede are good is the chocolate-covered pretzel. I’ll eat it (albeit not that often). But then there’s this chicken and waffles thing. Why would someone in their right mind drown a defenseless chicken breast in pancake syrup?🤢 Another atrocity is putting syrup on bacon (including the egregious maple-bacon donuts, et al) or, worse yet, syrup on eggs.🤮 I simply cannot stomach these combinations.

In that same vein is this revamped sandwich Cracker Barrel is now selling, dubbed the “Homestyle BLT”. It’s a fried (or grilled) chicken breast on a bun with bacon, lettuce and tomato, obviously, along with a smoky mayonnaise. So far, so good. Up to there, that actually sounds appetizing. But this is where it loses me: the addition of a maple glaze on the chicken breast. The glaze itself doesn’t appeal to me, and the thought of a sweet, maple sauce on a savory chicken sandwich turns into an appalling mess that doesn’t sound pleasant at all. Several of my co-workers love the sandwich, and as I previously stated, that’s fine and all if you like it. It just ain’t for me.

Something else I find totally ghastly is fruit in a savory salad. Salads with meat, cheese and dressing, with a crunchy garnish sounds delightful. A fruit salad is good (just fruits). But I’m sorry, strawberries, blueberries and kiwi (among other fruits) don’t belong with chicken or bacon or other savory salad toppings. Give me a chicken BLT salad, a nice Caesar salad (add some chicken or steak🤤), even a Cobb salad. But keep the sweet fruit away from the lettuce (or spinach), meat and dressing! Ugh, the thought makes me cringe.

Another dreadful flavor combination is the sweet-and-spicy thing. At one time, when I worked for Taco Time, they came up with a line of flavored limeades. Of the four featured, three were fine. The one I never understood was mango and habanero. Ew. I’ve seen in the grocery store this chile-pepper infused chocolate bar, and thought to myself, “what sane member of society actually would eat this shit?”

Something else that will never pass my lips willingly: internal animal organs. I know there are a plethora of people who will eat anything. Many cultures will kill an animal, such as a chicken, and will use absolutely everything on that animal. In Brazil, someone goes and buys a live chicken to kill at home. They pluck the feathers and proceed to cook and eat the bird. They eat just about all of it: the heart, the liver, the gizzards, the good parts (breast, leg, thigh), the wings—which I don’t care for, since there’s like no meat on it—the neck and the feet. About the only thing I don’t think they use is the brain. One time, I was visiting a person’s house in Brazil, and the pot on the stove was full of nothing but chicken feet. I think I may have thrown up in my mouth a little, and I had to politely refuse, telling them that I had already eaten just prior to my visit. There was no way on God’s green Earth I was going to eat that crap!

I seriously don’t get how people can eat liver, beef or chicken. I have a hard enough time stomaching the smell of liver cooking. And it tastes as bad as it smells. If someone asks my opinion of liver, I mention that since the liver essentially filters the shit out of the body, that it would follow that it tastes like shit (metaphorically, because honestly, I couldn’t tell you what shit really tastes like). I have had co-workers insist they try fried chicken liver. So, I cook one piece, but I insist on capturing their reaction on video. Twice this has happened, and both times have resulted in the same result: biting into the liver, gagging and proceeding to spit the offending morsel into the nearest garbage receptacle. I personally know very few people who actually like liver. My dad used to love liver and onions. Working at the Golden Corral has me baffled some days. I grill beef and chicken livers every day to be placed on the buffet line by noon. Generally, around that time, the old people who eat out on a daily basis come in and wipe out the liver and onions within a short period of time. Why do these old fucks love liver so much‽ I simply don’t get it.

Another bizarre tradition I don’t get, but New Englanders, and maybe Upper Midwest, seem to love is having a slice of cheddar (or Colby) cheese on their apple pie. I’ve heard of it. My mom would eat cheese and apples occasionally, but I don’t understand the hype. Most of the country kinda glares at those who like it. Cheese and apples🤔. Okay, fans of this concoction: why is this so good? Oh pray tell.

Same goes for the fans of these other atrocities I’ve mentioned. What makes syrup and bacon or chicken and waffles to die for? I’m like the guy in this meme:

39ecxl

At my age of 47 years, you’ll never convince me otherwise🤣.

Enjoy your food, in whatever form or combination you please. You want bacon and eggs with American cheese drizzled with syrup and a well-done steak? Have at it. Just don’t offer me any of it! We’ll just agree to disagree. But we can all agree on this: be safe and be well.

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