LXXI – Unwritten Rules That Should Be Followed

Life is full of rules. You have laws, which are written down, with penalties if you don’t obey them. Then there are guidelines, which are kinda like rules, but not really. Rules can be written (like laws) or unwritten. Some of those unwritten rules, though not obligatory, are best followed, lest you incur the wrath of others. Let’s examine a few.

First, don’t ask someone for something (such as a snack, a stick of gum or a smoke) if they only have one left. That’s just a dick move. You don’t ask someone for their last of anything. It’s rude and annoying as hell.

If you use up the toilet paper, get another roll. Few things in life are worse than needing to use the restroom, and not having any toilet paper to wipe your ass with🤬. What does one do in a case like that? Granted, you should check if there’s paper, anyway. But, if you really got the shits, you ain’t got time to look. You would assume it’s there. Moral of the story: don’t be an asshole. Get a new roll of TP if you run it out.

Check out this clip from Family Feud. The question goes “What do you do in the restroom when there’s no toilet paper?” Watch until the end. You’ll get a kick out of it🤣.

If you borrow someone else’s car, put some gas in the tank before returning it. In a perfect world, you’d top off the tank. If nothing else, at least put the gas gauge back where it was before you borrowed the car, or at the very minimum, give them a few bucks for gas. If someone borrowed your car, you’d expect them to compensate you for your fuel, so do the same for them.

Don’t leave the toilet stall a wreck. So many people think that since it’s not their bathroom at home, they can just leave it a disaster for someone else to clean. Put the shoe on the other foot for a minute. If you were the employee, would you want to clean a nasty-ass toilet? I actually worked a place once where this grimy homeless bum went into the restroom, came out a few minutes later, pants streaked with shit; and apparently he thought he’d live a fecal Rembrandt in the restroom. This filthy fuck decided to smear his shit all over the toilet, walls, floor—practically every square inch of the stall. I’m glad I’m not the one who had to clean it🤮.

It’s okay to be wrong. I really hate those “I may not always be right, but I’m never wrong” types. No one is perfect; everyone screws up. If you’re wrong, at least own up to it. Learn from your mistakes and move on. Admitting one is wrong is a beautiful act, and it’d be great if more honestly did it.

Chew with your mouth closed. I don’t know why this needs to be mentioned. It should be common sense to eat like a civilized, 21st century adult human being. We’re not animals, and we’re not Neanderthals. Chew your gum or food with your mouth fully closed. You don’t want to trigger someone’s misophonia with your disgusting habits. Besides, no one wants to witness the act of breaking down your grub with your chompers. Do us all a favor and, as they say in France, ferme la bouche, s’il vous plait.

Don’t leave your cart in the middle of the aisle. Especially if you park it sideways, blocking the aisle. It just ain’t cool. Okay, this might be fucked up, but one day, I want to walk into a Walmart somewhere (preferably not where I live), walk into each department, fill the cart with as much random shit as possible, and leave the loaded cart in the most remote corner of the store. Yes, I’m aware that’s mean-spirited and the employees would become irate. I would be, too, if I were I their shoes. No, I’ve never done it, mostly because I feel sorry for those poor slaves of corporate America. They don’t get paid enough to have to put up with pranks like that.

If you borrow something for the umpteenth time, you should buy your own. Needing to borrow a tool once in a while is fine, so long as said item is returned promptly. However, needing to repeatedly borrow something should be a sign that maybe you need one of your own. No one wants to loan anything a gazillion times.

Don’t vape where smoking is prohibited. High on the list of douchebag things to do, just because you’re not physically lighting a cigarette, vaping is still the same concept as smoking, and many states and county health departments are grouping smoking and vaping in the same bundle of clean-air rules. Just don’t.

Practice restroom etiquette. Guys, one of the unwritten requirements of taking a leak is to, if at all possible, not use the urinal next to someone else. Leave an empty one between you when you can. It’s awkward at the very least. It causes some guys “stagefright”. Also, face the wall when you pee. Under no circumstances should you look around when using the urinal. You might see something you don’t want to or make someone else extremely uncomfortable. Also, never look through the gap in the door (why that fucking gap is there, I’ll never understand). The person taking a dump will be weirded out or think you might have other intentions in mind. You want to see if a stall is busy, look for feet. No one likes an audience when they’re dropping a deuce.

Orderly elevator traffic. Let people off an elevator (or train if you’re using that) before you enter. Those getting out of the elevator have the right-of-way.

Show everyone respect. Whether it be your boss, a janitor, cashier, restaurant worker, garbageman, etc. We’re all human, no one is perfect, and everyone deserves to be respected. I’ve always said that a cashier (be it at Walmart or the Chevron) or restaurant worker (fast food burger flipper, cook or server) should be respected even more, because without these people who are treated by many like second-class citizens, there would be a lot of hungry people with empty gas tanks and no fountain drinks or beer.🤷‍♂️


Remember that karma is a bitch; what comes around goes around and all those other clichés. The band Bowling For Soup has a song that ties in pretty well with the theme of this week’s post. The song is titled “Don’t Be a Dick”, and the chorus goes like this: Don’t be a dick, don’t be an asshole. Just be nice, you don’t have to be that guy. Show some respect, just be a person. Love one another, you don’t need a reason why. Don’t be a dick. If you want to hear the whole song, go look it up on YouTube or Spotify. If this works, you can click on the link below, and hear the chorus of this song (It will open another window on your device. Just ignore the “open Spotify to hear the whole song”. The chorus is all I’m trying to play here anyway).

https://open.spotify.com/embed/track/4YwqqCcpeGqQpN07A4mwZv

And so goes yet another week, plowing along like a bullet train toward 2020. It’s not that far away. There’s still two more posts for me to publish before the big ball drops in Times Square. Until we meet again here next time, don’t get too wet or cold, don’t let the chaos of Christmas shopping drag you down. As always, though, be safe and be well.

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