CIV – Two Years of Rants

Normally I post to my Ray’s Rants of the Week blog every Sunday morning. This post, however, is a special edition, as today is 29 July 2020, exactly two years after my first post. Well, first post this time around.

Originally, I began this whole thing back in January 2015. That was an especially dark time in my life, and I was writing very long and/or cryptic Facebook posts. One day, near the end of 2014, one of my high school classmates, one Mrs. Jeannette Perez (formerly Lieras—by the way, huge thank you!🤗) suggested to me that I should put my thoughts into a blog. After some consideration, I went for it. I looked up some different blogging platforms and found WordPress to be the best option for me. So, I began.

WordPress logo
Looking for a website for my blog, I found WordPress.

Unfortunately, I would publish right away, and sometimes there’d be a couple of posts within as many days, other times there’d be a few days’ gap. In other words, my posting schedule was non-existent, erratic and unpredictable. After a couple of months, the inspiration waned, and I left it aside, forgotten. Eventually in July 2018, I went back into my site and decided to start over. I took down all the posts (there were only like 20 or so) and deleted some, others I saved to be reworked into the new blog. The first incarnation didn’t even have a real title. I took some suggestions and came up with the title it now holds. I took my recycled posts, along with newer writings and rants, and put myself on a schedule. I decided to post on Sundays at 07:00. It took some self-control, but I stuck with it.

Eventually it became difficult with work to post at 7am, so I changed the time to midnight (I’m usually up at that time anyway). I didn’t think it’d last very long. Over time, I paid to have a custom website domain name and made social media profiles—Facebook and Instagram—for my blog. I’ve surprised myself at the diligence at keeping myself going, even when I got down to the wire, throwing together a post the night before publishing. Sometimes I’d have a handful of posts written and saved, to be uploaded on a future date.

7am clock
I originally uploaded my posts at 07:00 Sunday mornings
clock at midnight
Sometimes my work schedule made posting at 07:00 difficult, so I changed the time to midnight.

I never intended my blog to become famous and well-read; it’s more like a therapy for me to write down thoughts and whatnot. What’s interesting is that at least one person has seen my blog in some 43 different countries. Some of them were probably through WordPress’ Reader app, and they looked only at my main page. Others have actually read the posts. Whether genuinely interested or out of mere courtesy, my blog has like 90 followers. For just a simple blog with no set subject matter and no paid advertising, that’s not too shabby. I’m never going to be able to support myself with it, but it’s a way to put my thoughts into the open, which I normally leave bottled up.

Sometimes I can’t believe two years have gone by. It’s been a roller coaster ride, but I don’t live in that darkness anymore. I’d been researching, and I figured my problem might be severe depression. I finally got up the courage to talk to a doctor about it. He prescribed me some Zoloft, and it has been a godsend. All of the overwhelming feelings I’d been having were suppressed, and my mental balance returned to something more normal. Everyone who has known me for any length of time says they’ve seen a dramatic change for the better.

zoloft tablet
Since being prescribed Zoloft, my mental state is much more stable

Believe me, I had some really dark times, and thought about drastic negative actions. I don’t feel that way as much now. Sure, the darkness tries to creep in occasionally, but it’s not as easy to give in to them now.

Last July, I started a second job, and at one point around year’s end, I was working 60 hours every week, about 30 at each. It was very demanding, and I was always exhausted. Then the coronavirus happened. Restaurant dining-in was all closed, and I eventually got my hours eliminated. I went on unemployment and then in June started working again, albeit not as many hours at either job. It’s been nice to have a little break from the grueling schedule I was working.

Along with the coronavirus and temporary loss of work, I began to write a daily sort of diary and put in online, so that people I know could see what things were like in my home life. At first, I called it “Quarantine Files”. Once I returned to work a few hours, I changed the name of the daily thoughts to “After the Quarantine”. That lasted through the end of May. As restaurants began reopening for dine-in service in June, I changed the name again, as there really wasn’t much about quarantines anymore. So I made the alliteration “Preposterous Ponderings of a Perpetually Perplexed Person”. Yes, the name is quite long. It is, though, the bizarre thoughts of someone who is always in a confused state of mind. Perfectly describes me, doesn’t it? I then acquired a domain for these daily posts. It’s a lot slower, not a whole lot of readership, but it’s always there for anyone to check out ( I’ve missed a couple of days, but there are roughly 43 posts, with a whopping 60 views in a month and a half. At least one person in nine different countries have read a post.

The cover photo for my secondary blog, “Preposterous Ponderings of a Perpetually Perplexed Person”, where I post quick random thoughts every day.

Once in a great while, I consider going on to Twitter and bugging some celebrity-type person to just check out my blogs. The problem is that they won’t even see the post, or they’re too busy to be bothered by it. Besides, I don’t really want to impose on someone I don’t even know. I also don’t want to appear desperate for followers and readership. It is what it is. Some of my schoolmates and coworkers, even some relatives, read my blogs. And for that, I am grateful and appreciate it. If it ever happened that my blog became well-known, great. If not, no big deal. There has even been a suggestion that I should write a book. Oh, heavens, I’m no Stephen King or Charles Dickens. I am not talented enough to develop a plot, tell a story and capture the audience. I am but a simple, middle-aged man who writes things as a means of releasing a pressure valve so my temper doesn’t explode. I’m not even that creative. When I write, I sit at my laptop and let words flow from my twisted brain, through my fingers and onto the digital paper. I’ll try to correct any typos I might have, but I really don’t go proofread anything, unless it’s a saved post that I want to make sure is still relevant. What I write usually is what goes online. I’m also don’t censor myself. This is the internet—anything goes here. In some posts I’ll try to tame my language a little, but in many, I’m swearing like a sailor. It just seems to get the point across better than in some flowery, euphemistic, politically-correct bullshit way. I’m adult enough to talk any goddamned way I please.

What does the future hold? No one knows for sure. We can hope and speculate, but there are no guarantees of anything, except death and taxes. Hopefully this country will still be in one piece next year, depending on the election outcome. The way this year has been so far, I’d say all bets are off. If you guess one thing, you’re more than likely going to be dead wrong. Somehow, 2020 has a way of proving everyone wrong and making everyone look like fools. Had anyone known eight months ago what we know now, absolutely no one would have been so optimistic about 2020. Instead of the usual “happy new year”, we would have been “good luck; you’re gonna need it”. Remember the advice Doc Brown gave to Marty and Jennifer in Back to the Future III, as seen in this clip:

Conspiracy theories abound. Everything is random. Nothing is certain. The world is going to hell in a handbasket. The country is tearing itself apart. The economy is in the shit. The world is melting down, and the US is practically isolated from the rest of the world due to travel restrictions imposed by other countries, banning American travelers to their countries. Even between states there’s a lot of animosity. If, for example, someone from Utah goes to New York, there’s a bunch of paperwork to fill out and a mandatory 14-day quarantine, or risk of a $2000 fine. Other states are imposing the same restrictions. If anyone needs me, I’ll be in my little corner of Utah.

I hope you enjoyed this special post, looking back at the last two years of my blogging world. I hope that I can do another anniversary post in 2021. Do me a favor. Stay away from the ’Rona; wear your masks where required; wash your hands; keep six feet between you and others; don’t hoard sanitizer, soap or food; don’t be a dick; be nice to one another; learn to agree to disagree; eat the delicious food; enjoy time with your families; read my blog every week and my Ponderings every day; 🎶come on, baby, do the locomotion🎶. Okay, that was silly. Seriously, though, please be safe and be well.

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