CXXXI – Truth, Without the Dare

In a couple of previous posts, I answered questions about “have you ever” this or that. A game that is played at some parties, especially adult parties, is the “truth or dare” game, where either you opt to either answer a question truthfully, or do some kind of dare. I’m going to skip the dare part, and answer some “truth” questions. Those questions are usually interesting in a group setting, and when the person has actually done some wild or embarrassing things. So, shall we dive in?

What’s been your most physically painful experience?

My most painful experience would probably have to be the time when I was hit by a car coming home from school, and broke my leg, back in 1989. I even wrote an entire post about the experience.

What’s the most insane thing you’ve done to get out of a speeding ticket?

Some people might do weird things to get out of a ticket. Some folks are smooth talkers who seem to talk their way out of anything. Me? I just hope the cop is in a good mood and only gives a warning. If I’m not so lucky, I just take the ticket and deal with it.

When’s the last time you made someone cry?

This would probably be some time in 2019, before I started taking antidepressants. I was angry, verbally abusive and an all-around asshole. One day at work, I got pissed off at a server, yelled at her and told her to shut the fuck up. She told me later that I made her cry more than once. Months later, we’d remember back and joke about it. Fortunately, there were no hard feelings, and I didn’t get fired.

Have you ever gone skinny dipping?

Not just no, but hell no. Absolutely no one who currently is living, has ever lived, or ever will live would want to see my ugly, fat ass “nekkid”. That would actually be quite embarrassing for me to be undressed in public. Or would that be “em-bare-ass-ing”? I’ll see myself out now…

What song do you sing most in the shower?

Actually, I don’t sing in the shower. My kids play music when they shower, but I just go in, wash myself and get out. I usually take less than five minutes in the shower, washing all the necessary parts. Well, at least three of George Carlin’s “four key areas”, which, if you’ve never heard his shows, are armpits, asshole, crotch and teeth. I don’t brush my teeth in the shower, but obviously I do clean everything else in there.

How often do you wash your sheets?

This might sound gross, but nearly as often as I should. I’ve read recommendations of weekly or bi-weekly, but I hate the ordeal of washing blankets, sheets, pillowcases, etc., then having to put new linens on the bed. I’m kinda lazy in that respect, especially since I’m the one who usually does the laundry in the house.

Have you ever seen a dead body?

Actually, yes, I have. Twice, to be exact: my dad and my brother. I went to the hospital on the day my dad passed, and I saw his body on the bed. It was weird to see his lifeless body there, when just the day prior, he was in his living room watching TV. As for my brother, the hospital called me and said he’d had a medical issue and “wasn’t doing well”—they never told me on the phone. I got to the emergency room, and was greeted by his daughter, saying he’d died. I walked back to the ER stall where he was and was taken aback by my brother’s body on the stretcher, absolutely still and devoid of life. Stranger still is the fact that he had gone into where I was working at the time, literally a few hours prior, to get some food.

What’s the most embarrassing text in your phone right now?

Right now, I don’t think there are any embarrassing texts. Who am I going to be texting? There ain’t a woman in the world who’d want anything to do with me sexually or relationship-wise; the only people I text are family, or I get the occasional bill collector and business promotion texts. I don’t even text friends…wait, what? I don’t have any friends around here. My phone contacts list consists of a whole 37 contacts, 16 of which are local businesses, along with a couple of schools, 2 doctors’ offices and my work. Am I boring, or what?

How long was your longest relationship?

This one is a tad complicated. I got married nearly 24 years ago. Though I still am on paper, it really ended I’d say 12 years ago or so. That’s the only relationship I ever had. And that’s about all I’m going to say about this at this time.

What’s the pettiest thing you’ve ever done?

I’m not sure if it’s the pettiest, but at work, I sometimes do some petty shit. Occasionally, I’ll get an order from a customer, for example, for a cheeseburger with “everything on the side”. Okay, I do exactly as requested: bun on one plate, patty on another, cheese on another, vegetables on a fourth plate, mayonnaise in a plastic soufflé cup, and the side (be it fries or whatever vegetable) on plate number 5. They said “everything on the side”, so they get a deconstructed burger that they can assemble their own damn selves.

Have you ever had a one-night stand?

Say what? Me? I have only had sex with one person in my entire life, and that ended many, many moons ago. I never even so much as went on a date with anyone else. So, me, a one-night stand? 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Yeah, right! There ain’t no woman in existence that would want to “do the deed” with me. I don’t even imagine the possibility.

After you’ve dropped a piece of food, what’s the longest time you’ve left it on the floor before eating it?

Um, I work in a restaurant. There is no such thing as the “five-second rule”. If food hits the floor, it’s automatically garbage. I’ve seen too many Kitchen Nightmares episodes where cooks will take food that hit the floor and still cook it, whether in a fryer or a sauté pan. “The heat will kill any bacteria” is the excuse often used. Fuck that! When I worked at Burger King, a lady would get food for her little kids. If they dropped fries on the floor, she’d let them eat it anyway. Her saying was, “Go eat your floor fries”. What a disgusting bitch that gal was🙄🤦‍♂️🤮!

What might your answers be to some of these questions? Leave me a comment! Are you adventurous, or boring as fuck, like me? Hopefully, your week ahead is a good one. Please be prosperous, have peace, wear your masks when required, and wash your hands (please, especially after going to the bathroom). Don’t eat food off the floor, and never forget: be safe and be well.

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