CXXXVII – Yucky Stuff🤮

Recently, I wrote an A-Z list of foods that I like to eat. Now, in the interest of equal time, I put together another A-Z list, this time of foods that I either totally dislike, absolutely cannot stand, or I simply wouldn’t want to eat. As Mario says in the video games, “Lets-a go!”

Artichokes

I’ve never eaten artichokes, but they look weird and I don’t think I could ever stomach eating one. Just the name is off-putting, thinking about some dude named Artie choking on one. Hard pass, thanks. Honorable mention: American singles. Of course I had to include this atrocity somewhere. I’ve talked about these abominations before, so I’ll leave it at that.

Brussels Sprouts

When I worked at Golden Corral, these were served on the hot bar. They always smelled bad and they look like little cabbages. Judging by the smell, I’d say their taste is nowhere near resemblant of the taste of cabbage. Plenty of old people would get these things; one guy even got a bunch of vegetables and smothered the whole thing in brown gravy. To each their own, I suppose.

Cauliflower

It may look like white broccoli, but that’s where the resemblance ends for me. Back when Cracker Barrel sold steamed mixed vegetables, it was a combination of carrots, broccoli and cauliflower. Everyone knew that cauliflower was being prepped, because when that bag opened, it smelled like someone had just shit their pants🤮. I can’t eat something that puts off a foul odor like that.

Deviled Eggs

The only part of a hard-boiled egg I like is the yolk. There’s something about the cooked white that makes me gag. I don’t even eat over-anything eggs. For me, eggs have to be scrambled or in omelet form (or included in cookie dough). That said, I’d eat the filling of deviled eggs, but the white would just wind up in the trash.

eSCARGOT

I am the farthest thing from a fancy food connoisseur, so you will never find me eating these disgusting creatures related to the ones in your garden. Snails are totally not meant for human consumption! How anyone can eat those things is absolutely beyond my level of comprehension. Please, for the love of Neptune, don’t eat Spongebob’s pet, Gary!

Fry Sauce

The population of Utah just gasped and shuddered in disbelief. How could anyone living in Utah or Idaho not like fry sauce?! For anyone outside of these two states, fry sauce is, in its simplest form, ketchup and mayonnaise. You can find this in stores under the Heinz brand, labeled “Mayochup”. I’m not a huge fan of ketchup to begin with, and I was raised in California, so this condiment is a foreign concept for me, even living in Utah for 30 years.

Grits

One of the main staples of the South, a dish of ground corn/hominy, with a texture resembling Cream of Wheat, grits can be eaten with sugar, honey, syrup, cheese or any number of other things. I’d totally starve in the South. I heard someone once describe grits as reminding them of “chewy dirt”. I leave that description without comment. I will just say that grits will never enter my mouth.

Haddock

One of the types of fish sold at Cracker Barrel (along with trout and catfish), it’s not my favorite. The first bite I took once was okay, but after the second bite, I could not eat any more. It had a heavy, oily taste and sat like a rock in my stomach. I’ll eat grilled catfish or the trout at work, but never haddock again. Many people order it; just not me.

Indian Food

Here, I classify all food originated from India. I’m not saying Indian food is bad. It’s just way too spicy for my liking. Having acid reflux, spicy food doesn’t play nicely with me. Most everything from India is rather spice-heavy, so I would just as soon avoid the heartburn.

jELLO

I like regular Jello occasionally. What’s absolutely atrocious are those ads from the 1950s – 1970s, the ones where someone thought it was a great idea to put all sorts of shit into a mold with some gelatin. Hot dogs, ham, fruits, whatever you could possibly imagine, was turned into some kind of nauseating concoction. I can’t even do Jello with fruit chunks in it. Jello, fruit cocktail, kiwi, banana and whipped cream. Oh, dear god, spare my stomach! All those things are literal nightmare fuel. I’d rather eat a steak well-done than one of those god-awful Jello things (and I hate well-done steak).

Kale

For the same reason as cauliflower, I just can’t do kale. It is stinky and just looks terrible. How do some Californians put this green thing into their smoothies? Is that a vegan thing? Maybe a yuppie thing? I don’t know, but keep that kale away from me. Give me spinach for a salad, not kale. Gross.

Liver

I refuse to eat any internal animal organ, honestly. For me, beef liver tastes just like it smells—disgusting. Chicken livers are much worse. The liver is the shit filter of the body, so it follows that it would taste like shit. Sure, liver has lots of iron, but I’ll get my iron in other ways, thank you. And who could forget liver paste? I just threw up in my mouth. My dad used to eat that crap. Dear god, the memory of this sandwich he’d make is vomit-inducing! Dad would take this liver paste (I think it’s called braunschweiger), red onion, and peanut butter on bread. Blecch!

Macaroni & Cheese

What?! Mac & cheese? That’s right. I said it. Unpopular opinion: it’s gross. I already didn’t like it, and when I found out most mac & cheese sauces contain that plasticky American cheese-stuff, it sealed its fate. I hate the texture of most noodles, especially elbow macaroni, and eating it makes me gag. I do like some pastas, like lasagna and spaghetti (if there’s enough sauce), but any pasta served plain is a no-go.

Nutella

It’s not that Nutella is a bad thing. I just don’t care much for hazelnuts, or most other kinds of nuts. Peanuts are probably the one exception. I love honey roasted peanuts and peanut butter. I guess peanuts aren’t technically nuts; they’re actually classified as legumes.

Okra

I’ll pass on the okra. We serve fried okra at work; I’m just not a fan. Boiled okra, on the other hand, is simply wrong. It’s horrid looking and slimy. Food should never, ever be slimy. Honorable mention: olives. That salty, briny taste and awful stench are a no from me, dawg. One time, I ate a slice of pizza, and missed picking off some pieces of olive, and I gagged, nearly throwing up. So, that experience traumatized me.

Pickles

I like cucumbers, but I can’t eat them after they’ve been pickled. They can be dill or sweet—I don’t care for any of them. I don’t like the flavor they give; I dislike their texture. I’ve bitten into a pickle before, and I will spit them out. Many people love pickles. You can have my share. I had a customer at Wendy’s years ago who could ask for “an obscene amount of pickles” for her burger. She wanted a little hamburger on her pickle sandwich. As I say, you like them? You eat them.

Quinoa

A strange word this is. I’m not even sure what it’s made from. I just know that vegetarians and vegans eat this stuff. It’s pronounced “KEEN-wah”, but that’s all I know about it. I’ve never tried it, nor do I really want to. I just needed a food beginning with Q, and that came to mind.

Rice

Another one that shocks a lot of people when they find out. I don’t like rice. I never have. My mom says that even as a baby, I refused to eat rice cereal. I’ll eat Rice Krispies cereal, Rice Krispies treats and occasionally, Nestlé Crunch Bars (which contain crispy rice), but I won’t touch normal, cooked rice. Rice pudding? Nope. When I was a Mormon missionary in Brazil 25+ years ago, I found myself in the predicament of having to eat rice against my will. Not wanting to be rude, I would get a little bit of rice and cover it with a bunch of beans. It was kinda traumatic, but I did what I had to do. Of course, I really don’t give a damn now, and I’ll just politely say that I don’t like rice. The main reason for this: in my mind, rice looks like a plate full of maggots. I know it isn’t, but that’s the image I get, and I can’t get rid of it. The trauma is permanent.

Sushi

Again, something with rice that I won’t eat. Sushi isn’t raw fish, since you can get cooked sushi. Sushi refers to the rice it’s served with. Similarly to risotto, rice is my enemy here. Whoever wants my share, go for it.

Turnip Greens

Another Southern staple I will never eat. The way they’re prepared at work is really a turn-off for me. Even when just cooked, turnip greens resembles lawn clippings. It really looks like cut grass. At work, they’re cooked in a ham broth with ham hocks. I like lima beans and ham hocks, but these turnip greens look like boiled grass and smells strange. Thanks, but no thanks.

Undercooked chicken

You’ve seen the memes, I hope. People who think medium rare chicken is delicious. Nope. Medium rare chicken is disgusting and a great way to get salmonella. Chicken is one meat that I insist be fully cooked. I eat my steaks medium rare, my burgers can be medium. Even pork I’ll eat a little pink, but chicken? Absolutely not! I will never knowingly serve pink chicken, either. Raw chicken is not only fowl, but foul.

Vienna Sausages

These are little cans of cylindrical meat-like product, kinda like Spam in a tube shape. Usually there are seven little “sausages” to a can. You pop the top, drain the juice and eat the stuff. Unfortunately, I bought so many for my kids back when they were little, no one in the family can stand them anymore.

Wild game meat

This includes all those meats you get when hunting: venison, elk, buffalo, bison, etc. I’ll stick with my domestic animal meats, thank you. I’ve never tried any big game meat, and I don’t ever intend to. I have nothing against them; I just would rather have beef, chicken, pork and turkey. Those others might be good. I’ll pass, however.

X…maybe xylitol?

Hmmm. Again, nothing beginning with X. Unless I go with xylitol or xanthan gum. I know xylitol is a sweetener used in chewing gum. I don’t really chew gum ever, and xylitol is very bad for kitties and doggos. So I guess it can be put on this “bad” list.

Yucca root

This is also known as cassava. In Brazil it’s known as mandioca or macaxeira. It’s a root that can be boiled or ground and toasted, used in a flour form. In Brazil, there is farinha de mandioca (cassava flour) that people add to beans to absorb the cooking liquid on your plate. A little goes a long way. Too much of this flour, and you end up with really dry food. Just a little makes it so you can eat beans with a fork and not end up with a soupy mess. Yucca can be peeled, sliced and boiled. I really don’t like it this way. I’ve tried it, but you can’t get me to like it or eat it. It’s hard to describe.

Ziti

I’m putting ziti here, just because I need a Z food for this list. Again, baked ziti is nice. It just has to have tons of sauce and/or cheese for me to eat it. Pastas with very little sauce for some reason make me want to gag. I think it goes back to the textural issues I have. Pasta, marshmallows, gummy everything, the texture of these things in my mouth trigger my gag reflex and make me want to throw up.

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Is there a food you can’t stand? Is there something that seemingly everyone loves that you simply despise? I’d love to hear about it.

Everyone certainly has their own tastes and preferences. Go enjoy whatever food you like. Pay no mind to whomever thinks it’s weird or gross. It’s still a world of choice. My desire for you is to enjoy the good food, keep hydrated and take life day by day. Always remember to keep some space from others (I certainly don’t like most people in my personal space), and wear your mask where/when required. Most importantly, please be safe and be well.