CLIII – Brainless on Board

Last week while I was out running some errands (so much for relaxing on my one day off that week🙃), throughout the time driving from one place to another, I was reminded about things people do in traffic that absolutely drive me insane.

PUMPING FROM THE WRONG SIDE

The first one I think about is when I stopped at Costco to get gas. Some people say Costco gas is terrible, but I’ve fueled there before without a problem. Not only that, but I paid $59 to fill my tank—this was at $3.559 a gallon. Had I bought gas at another station closer to home, I would’ve paid $3.889, and that would’ve put the total closer to $65.
Enough about how absurd gas prices are. At this Costco, there are some 10 lanes to choose from, depending on whether you park with the dispenser on the right or left. Most cars’ gas tanks are filled from the left side. Occasionally, you will find a car that fills from the right side. Common sense dictates that you park your car with the side the tank is on closest to the pump. For some reason, however, logic has gone out the window (not just for this, but practically everything else in society, but I already made a post about how uncommon common sense is), and people will get into whichever lane to get gas. Their tank is on the left side of the car, but they park with the pump on the right. These doofuses then have to pull the gas hose across their car to fill their tanks. I’m surprised they don’t stick the nozzle in the tank upside down and risk overflowing. Gas nozzles have a sensor that stops the flow of gas before it can spill on the ground, but those only work if the nozzle is right-side up. I think this is a sign of a lower IQ, but then again, it seems that society’s collective IQ is a constant, while the population constantly increases.

Just another moron who is parked the wrong way at a gas pump, having to cross the hose to the far side of the car

LEFT LANE CAMPERS

Something else I see that really pisses me off is these entitled motherfuckers that drive in the passing or fast lane going 5 or more under the speed limit. In this same group I place the dumbasses that don’t want to stay behind another vehicle going ever-so-slightly slower than they are. These bozos move into the passing lane, driving at almost the identical speed as the other car. They don’t speed up, but they don’t slow down to move over again. Maybe the DMV, instead of publishing a driver’s manual, should compile a book of traffic memes to explain the laws. For example, there’s a meme of a freeway sign for two lanes, one points to the right lane saying, “Driving lane” with another arrow pointing to the left lane saying something to the effect of “Passing Lane” or “passing only”.

Left lane campers
If you don’t move out of the left lane, this meme is for you.

THE STOP-SIGN-STUPID

You ever get someone who is at an intersection, by a stop sign, and will pull out in front of you at the last second, forcing you to slam on your brakes…and then they won’t speed up!! Or the person who stops at the intersection, but their car’s nose is sticking so far into your lane that you have to stop to avoid a collision. Then, they have the audacity to wave like they’re thanking you for letting them in. No, you dumbfuck! I would’ve crashed into you if I hadn’t stopped! I don’t care about your car, I didn’t want to ruin mine. I wasn’t being nice and letting you in front of me, asshole!

GREEN MEANS GO!

Another dimwit that drives me fucking batty is the room-temperature-IQ motherfucker who hits their brakes at a green light. How did you pass driver’s training, moron? These people try to defend their actions by rationalizing, “Oh, I’m ‘covering the brake’, in case the light changes”. This same person will see a yellow light last-minute, slam on the brakes, and then back up to get out of the intersection🤦‍♂️. I don’t think you know how driving works. If the light changes when you’re too close to stop, you keep going through. Now, if you see the light turn yellow, that doesn’t mean you gun it and hope you get through it. If you can, stop. Most traffic lights are equipped with cameras anymore. Sometimes those cameras will detect a car close to the intersection and extend the yellow light so the car can proceed safely. I’ve actually seen this work before. Other lights are the mischievous little fucks that have a red light camera, where anyone who starts into the intersection the moment the light turns red, it will take pictures of the car, the license plate and the driver, and then issue a citation by mail to the registered owner of the car. If you’re the owner, then you get your karma. If it’s someone else’s car you’ve borrowed, you’d better own up and pay the goddamned ticket. To not do that would be a douchebag move.

TO PULL OVER OR NOT TO PULL OVER

Sometimes while driving, you see someone pulled over by a cop, or you see an emergency vehicle approaching from behind. For the ambulance, fire truck, etc., on the road, we’re taught to pull over to the right and stop. We’re also taught that for the lights on the shoulder, we should move over. Now, I would love to slash the tires of the morons who do this with absolutely no regard for other cars on the road. These rules both have caveats. Firstly, if it’s safe, you pull over or change lanes. If there’s too much traffic, and doing so would cause an accident, then by all means, stay the fuck where you are! Slow down, yes. But don’t fucking crash into someone else! I’ve been cut off by more than one asshole who pulled in front of me because a cop was giving a ticket. Laws state “pull over or slow down” for emergency, maintenance or tow trucks. If I can, I move over. If I can’t I’ll slow down in my lane, or just stop where I’m at, until the emergency vehicle passes. They’ll find their way around, or honk for people to move out of the way if there’s no other way. In the US, most people respect the ambulance with lights and siren blaring. I remember in Brazil once, the ambulance was stuck in gridlock, siren droning, but no one gave two fucks about moving. Some drivers couldn’t, obviously, since traffic was a mess. But still, it makes you wonder about the condition of the patient.

Move Over
The law says move over or slow down for cops, etc., not cause another accident!

Are you one of these halfwits who commit these atrocities? Or are you a decent person who respects others on the road? Are you a gas pump crosser or a left-lane camper? Hopefully, you will learn some road respect. These bozos are real, and many of them have reproduced. God help us all in their cases. Help keep our roads safer and more peaceful by being courteous and keeping a level head. Don’t cut people off, keep with the flow of traffic, and of course, be safe and be well.

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